In the now infamous conversation in the Oval Office between President Donald Trump, Vice President JD Vance and President Zelenski, one particular part was very striking. In crucial conversations where someone is being addressed, you usually pick a line: content, pattern or relationship. If you mix up too much then the conversation goes nowhere.
What was striking yesterday with JD Vance in particular is that he jumped from content, to pattern and then relationship and back again. With that, it was actually impossible for Zelensky to respond or say anything back at all. Because any response will then be met by an attack based on the other level of conversation. If it is about something substantive then you switch to relationship and if you respond to relationship then you address someone on pattern.
That setting up to fail in the conversation can only lead to a conflictual conversation. Then comes a crucial moment in the conversation when Zelensky points out the threat from Russia to the United States. At that point, Trump steps back into the conversation, as he cannot let a vulnerable US go over his head, and then the gloves come off.
In complex conversations, you always start with the end goal in mind and build the conversation taking into account contextual parameters. If you address someone, it is crucial that you consider what you are doing so on: on something substantive, a pattern in behaviour or on the relationship.